knisely.org

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator
6. You watch the Weather Channel
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “break up”
8. You go from 130 days of vacation to 14
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up”
10. Your the one calling the police because these #$%^&* kids won’t turn down the music
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around your
12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payment goes up
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s leftovers
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt
16. You take naps
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach
19. You go to the drug store for Ibuprofen and antacid, not for condoms and pregnancy tests
20. A $4 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good shit”
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast
22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again”
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of the compuater is for real work
24. You drink at home to save money before going to the bar
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking “Oh, shit, what the hell happened?”
26. Bonus: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn’t apply to you and can’t find one to save your sorry old ass. Then you forward to a bunch of old friends ’cause you know they will enjoy it too!

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